I'm in a bit of a funk over current fashion lately. I'm having a really hard time finding any maternity clothes I like, but it's dawning on me that it is just a symptom of the larger issue that current fashions are really, really ugly right now. Even if I could wear regular clothes this year, it would be slim pickings at any price point.

I now present to you THE UGLIEST DRESS IN THE WORLD. A breakdown follows.



Where to begin? Maybe with that this dress comes from DKNY. Oh, Donna. I expect so much more from you. You really let me down. This would look like shit even if it was black or brown. It's the the cut.

A shapeless sack. A dress for a blind person who is wheelchair bound. Something for the Iranians to send hostages home in.

The Cut. What the hell is this schmata? WWTGS? (What would Tim Gunn Say?) This thing would get ripped apart on Project Runway. It kind of reminds me of Jeffery's dress for the whiny girl's mother.
Off set Peter Pan collar?
Gathered yoke like a Lanz flannel granny gown? Complete with the set in sleeve?
The sleeve. Ending right at the elbow, with a band cuff. Again, nightgown. Ugly nightgown.
The gathered yoke makes her boobs look like crap.
Hemline. Besides hanging crooked, it hits at an ugly length.
You might pass 7th grade Home Ec with this dress, as it looks like it was sewn together properly, but that is not saying too much.

The color. Now, I like this color green*. But the entire dress? Except for two tiny white buttons that appear to have come off a $1 card at JoAnn's, this dress looks like throw up. It doesn't even look good on this perhaps hispanic model, with beautiful toasty skin. She's grinning because she can't believe how awful this dress looks.

Perhaps a big wide brown leather belt would have saved it, but I don't think so. The problems all stem from that collar and yoke fiasco. Please incinerate all copies of this dress immediately, and we will all forget it ever happened.

It is the culmination of a couple of years of retro late 70's and early 80's coming together. For some reason, the powers at be feel like we should all dress like frumpy librarians in 1979. But this? Did Ken Burns recently come out with a Prairie Documentary that I missed? Is this Fashion trying to find clothes that anorexics and overweight girls can equally hide their bodies under? Mormon Chic? Even they wouldn't be seen in a collar this ugly.

If the magazine can't make this dress look good, with expensive lighting, a beautiful model, and Photoshop, imagine, JUST IMAGINE, what this dress would look like on you.

Feh.

*In case your computer isn't doing it justice, this dress is chartreuse green. Not spring leaf, not yellow, but chartreuse.