A lot of people I know here do freelance work, either all the time as their primary source of income, or little jobs every once in a while. Personally, I've been doing almost 100% freelance since January, but I normally average about 30% a year.

It has a lot of benefits and freedom, but the major downside that everyone complains about is the Chase the Check Syndrome. Very rarely do you ever get paid on time. By on time I mean when they said they'd pay you. As in, "thanks for this invoice! We will cut the check on Thursday and drop in in the mail. You should have it Saturday or Monday at the latest!" This is code for you won't see the check for two weeks if you're lucky, and you'll still have to call twice.

I don't get angry about it anymore, I just expect to shake down every employer as part of the routine. When the check actually shows up in a timely matter, I appreciate it even more. This happens maybe 5% of the time.

I have recently broken the code on one of the techniques employers use. Putting the Wrong Zip Code. Perhaps on purpose, perhaps not. Not on the check itself, but on the outside envelope that doesn't have a window. I just had this happen with the studio that has a sassy talking rabbit. How many contracts and forms and invoices have I filled out for you? But I am already in shakedown mode. When I didn't get said paperwork in four days, I had them email it. It took the original envelope over two weeks to wander here on its own.

Now I know that Barb in accounting works very, very hard. She is juggling a lot of stuff, and could really use an assistant to get it all done. She can't possibly want to delay things, as it will just end up making more work for her when she has to do it twice. But it happens all the time. How many times can it just be a coincidence? Is it just a percentage game? My percentage is higher because I do so much of it? But Steve has done exactly one freelance job this year, and is still waiting. I think he needs to go to Shakedown School!

Lesson #1 is always go pick up the check, if possible. I have "happened to be in the neighborhood" as far south as San Juan Capistrano and a far north as Oxnard. It's much harder to not pay you when you are sitting in the lobby, staring at the receptionist.

lesson #2 is just call. If you don't get whatever you are expecting in the mail in a timely matter, talk to someone. More often than not, it didn't actually get mailed like they said it would and then you can go pick it up. Mistakes happen, but better to get the fire under someone's butt after 5 days instead of two weeks.

Yeah, that's me!

I just changed the lightbulb on the headlight of the Honda. A halogen. Not a wimpy tail light, but the headlight. That's right, I'm swaggering.

Aunt Mimi's comment to my post yesterday may be even more relevant. On yesterday's NPR, they mentioned that the Assemblyman from Sherman Oaks had proposed to the California State Assembly a bill that would ban the sale of incandescent light bulbs in the State of California by 2012.

WTF is going on with people????

I am all for the compact florescent bulbs. I use them. But only in places where the quality of light is not the most important issue, such as the closets and the hallway where the laundry area is. I know Ben has put them out in the garage. We have actual florescent bulbs in the under counter fixtures, but sometimes, you need nice light, and florescent light just does not cut the mustard.

I could see a bill that encourages the sale of the efficient bulbs, perhaps making them non-taxable at the register or imposing a "gas guzzler" tax on the currently much cheaper incandescent bulbs. But the outright banning of a product that is neither harmful or dangerous, but merely wasteful? How about starting with oversize SUV's, direct mail and plastic clamshell packaging? You might even get the SUV's and the packaging on the dangerous!

Was this guy just trying to get a little media attention during Earth Day Week? He is only going to end up a joke on the Daily Show.

Again, like the Eco-Socialites and Ms. Crow, I appreciate the sentiment behind these heartfelt and impassioned solutions. I believe in Think Globally, Act Locally. But as Mimi said, is it all just a smoke screen to keep up from focusing on the much larger corporate polluters?

These two articles were in the papers this morning. In the New York Times, a story about Eco-Socialites getting on the Basic L bandwagon (now she OWNS the company!) and then a lovely story about how Sheryl Crow would like me to wipe my poopy ass.

First, the Eco-Socialites. As if any of these women clean anything in their many homes. Really, it should be about how their cleaning staffs are going green. I wonder how overjoyed they must be, because it can only add to the amount of time it takes to get stuff done, as "green" products just don't work as well. I'm sorry. I know there are many of you out there who just LOVE LOVE LOVE to clean everything with vinegar, baking soda, Dr. Brommer's and a little elbow grease. And I do admit it gets stuff clean, basically. But if you are looking to get that sparkling, squeaky, hospital grade, anti-bacterial clean that I'm guessing these Park Avenue Matrons require, somehow vinegar and lemon juice is not going to replace bleach and ammonia. I will say every Shaklee product I have tried, and that begins and ends with their Basic L powdered laundry soap, works fine. I'm not sure how great they actually are for the environment, but it is free of dyes and scents.

But it is nice of them to try. Perhaps they should examine how many SUV's they own, how big are their houses, what does it take to run them and their consumption of consumer goods in general, but if Sloane Tipper Loomis Todd feels better now that Consuela is using Simple Green to clean out the jacuzzi tub that requires 60 gallons of water per use, then maybe she'll write bigger checks to charities.

The other story about Sheryl Crow wanting me to use only one square of toliet paper per tinkle sounds like a hoax. I mean really. Toliet paper? That actually breaks down rather quickly compared to most other paper products and stuff in general. How about we stop buying her CD's and only down load them? How about when we go to her concerts we don't buy any concessions, like drinks in cups, programs or t-shirts? It has to be a story from The Onion that somehow got picked up by the mainstream media by mistake.

I know that there is a family in NYC right now who are 0% consumers this year, and documenting their story. They are not using toilet paper this year either. And their guests refuse to use the bathroom at their house.

If we all had the fancy toilets from Japan with the water jets, perhaps toilet paper would be a thing of the past, but how much water does on of those things use? I bet more than the 1.6 gallons of a "low flow," which you sometimes end up flushing twice, and what's a bigger priority?

The line of clothing with the "dining sleeve?" That disgusts me. What is wrong with a cloth napkin? Shall we all start spitting into the street as well and carrying around our own bowls on a string attached to our belts? Sheryl Crow wants to live at the Ren Faire! I want to party like it's 1599!

I'm glad that people who might not conserve at all are getting with the program, but I don't like to have it rubbed in my face like they just found God.

I have decided on a belated New Year's Resolution, that I will embrace newer technology into my life. I finally got the printer/fax/copier/scanner thingy that Jim and Heather gave me out of their garage hooked up, and it rocks. It only had about a 50-50 shot of working. I was surprised that they even moved it across the country when they didn't think it ran, but I was happy to help them get it out of their garage. If I couldn't get it up and running, I was fully committed to throwing it away without a second thought.

But it does work, and it's really cool and efficient. Need a copy of my driver's license and SS card? No problem! Want to down load a couple of photos off of the camera? I'm in top of it! And it prints nicely as well. I'm in love.

Bringing up the question of why I didn't buy one for myself sooner. I've been talking about it for over two years. My big excuse is always money when it comes to these things, but I need to start looking at these purchases as the business expenses that they are, and not as frivolous "I need the latest techno thing of the month" wastes of money. When the item is going to improve my ability to bring in more income, I have got to find it within myself to break down and buy it.

As I've been thinking more about it, it's not really about the money (which is a major factor) but something more. I don't want to be a Super American Consumer. The kind of consumer who makes George W. Bush proud. I don't want to be a wasteful pig. But I have to come to terms with the fact a new all-in-one fax machine is NOT going to turn me into a McMansion living, SUV driving, leaving all the lights on, typical American who needs to go on Oprah for astounding credit card debt. It might actually make me more money.

So I took the plunge, and bought something I have wanted and needed for a long time. I've been using it on the prototype job I'm doing for Jane, and it's been great. It's a Juki home overlock that I got for only $350. (Cash, by the way, not on credit!) It runs like a dream. I paid the same amount for my sucky Riccar overlock 4 or 5 years ago, which was a piece of crap right from the start, but I needed it immediately at the time and didn't have the option of shopping around. I also didn't know that ACE Sewing Supply existed back then. Located just a few blocks from Michael Levine's in the fabric district, it sells retail and wholesale and is Mecca for supplies at rock bottom prices. Like I said, a home Juki for $350. Simone wants to get one as well. I need to look online and see what the same machine might go for at a "real" sewing machine store, say Baron's. I would like to now replace my regular sewing machine with a home Juki as well, but I do think that purchase will have to wait until later in the year.

I know, I know, this whole post is about embracing new technology, but my regular sewing machine runs fine. It's more like that portable free arm walking foot machine that John Van Hout saw on ebay and tried vainly to get me to buy last spring. But I didn't. And have had at least two jobs since then where I could have used it.

Actually, the next item on the list is a new phone. Cingular has been sending me a "your new free phone is here!" letters for so long, that now the company is AT&T. I still use A Mini Brick. Again, for me "it's fine!" But really, I could use a smaller phone that takes pictures. How often in the last year have I wished I had a camera to take a small photo of something? For work, for this blog, nothing that has to be beautiful, but that kind of quick, spur of the moment, 20 years ago it would have been a Polaroid moment kind of shot. The kind of thing digital cameras built into phones are all about. And now that phone is FREE and I still haven't gotten it. Why? It is just too far down on the list of things to do, and it just never gets done.

I have updated to Firefox, which I did immediately after hearing that I could. I just didn't know it was out there, and that I should abandon Safari for it. A shout out to Marty for the info. By doing that, it also updated my Blogger capabilities, which I didn't even know existed. I had literally been using the "My First Blog" Fisher Price equivalent that Safari provided. I just didn't know, and now a whole new world has opened to me.

This upcoming week is about those errands. Get the phone. Take another load of stuff to Goodwill (which has been piled up in the dining room for 3 weeks now.) Clean our closet and put the new baby stuff away. Get that stack of headshots to Cassie at ACME. Get out to Pasadena for nursing bras and boxes for DVD's, and see Christi's new baby. The big fires have been put out, now I can take care of the smaller ones.

Has Peter Pan finally found his Tinkerbell? Or at least his Parter in Faerie Dust? I have been fascinated by this guy for years, and it looks like he even found an age appropriate lady friend to share his very eclectic lifestyle. He has been talking about finding someone for years, and considering that he DRESSES AS PETER PAN FULL TIME I wasn't really sure he was going to find that special someone. I'm still not convinced that he's actually a straight guy, though he claims to be. He's rather religious, and I've always wondered if there is a part of him that he is keeping repressed. He certainly has no problem DRESSING LIKE PETER PAN FULL TIME, so that I would think being Out and Proud would not really be an issue if he truly was gay.

He has always struck me a very caring and wonderful person, whenever I have seen him on an interview or from his website, and it makes me happy to know that he has finally after long last found a lid for his very unusual pot.

I think it may be time to resurrect Project Go Away here at our (somewhat) new apartment. I have recently noticed an upswing in the amount of solicitors we've had knocking on the door. Unlike the old place, which had a broad variety of hucksters and missionaries, here it is mostly older folks doing the Work of The Lord. For some reason, our street has become a favorite spot. It is not unusual to see a cluster of 12 or 15 of them gathered at the top of the street, waiting to fan out, and now they are not just sticking to Saturday mornings.

I have had a couple of kids selling stuff as well, unfortunately, none of them Girl Scouts with cookies, a product I might actually buy if it showed up at my door uninvited.

Project Go Away was when I posted a polite warning not to bother us, and then started filming and interviewing the people who ignored the sign. With a new political season coming upon us, I'm sure political boosters will be added to the mix, and I will be home much more over the coming months taking care of the baby.

This week I'm putting my gas theory to the test. I'm doing a lot of highway driving, working three days this week out in Bell Canyon, plus two nights in the Santa Monica area. I'm driving at slightly off hours, so I won't be in the heaviest stop and go traffic, which brings efficiency down. I went all the way down to "E" and the warning light, and filled up the tank. I know that I would usually get 310-312 miles off of this normally, I'll see how I do this week.

What are people feeding their pets right now? Schmedly has had to go back to 100% crunchies since he finally ate his way through my stash of non-recalled canned food. I've tried a couple of other things, mushy people food and whatever cans of "TUNA for CATS" that is the only thing Trader Joe's still has on the shelves, both of which were big duds. I have yet to venture forth to find the Tender Vittles packets, but I know he needs a little more wet food in his life. My pal Heather has been feeding her beloved geriatric cat Melvin a homemade concoction for a few years now, and it might finally be time for me to jump on board the DIY cat food band wagon.

I have noticed the last two months or so that I haven't quite been getting the same gas milage as I usually do. I figured perhaps the car needs a bit of a tune up, though I've owned it for 7 years and it's needed tune ups before and I never noticed a dip in fuel efficiency. When I mentioned this to Steve, he said he and Mike had been noticing this as well. They both have sizable commutes where losing a couple of miles per gallon starts to add up and become apparent. When Betty was visiting a few weeks ago, I asked her, and she said she had noticed it as well.

Is there something going on? Yesterday Steve emails me this.

I'm not quite sure that this is the answer, though it has been unseasonably warm the past month or two. I never noticed a difference before during the hottest summer months, and since that is notoriously the time of year when gas prices are the highest, I'm usually keeping a close eye on it all.

Anyone else notice a mile or two per gallon shaved off of their fuel efficiency?

The recently released British sailor hostages are getting a bunch of grief over how they behaved during their capture. I guess England is less than pleased with how they appeared, all namby-pamby apologetic and polite.

It has been put forward that perhaps the sailors were not trained properly on how to behave during a possible capture. I find that hard to believe, as it was revealed yesterday that that sub was on an "intelligence gathering mission" aka someone on board was a spy. Whatever the reason, I don't think anyone was fooled by their over polite, veddy British apologies to the world. It was pretty obvious the game that was being played. The Iranians scored their own points by sending the sailors home in the Borat suits.

The American myth of the captured soldier is "Name, Rank and Serial Number" and that's it. We also see our captured soldiers a little more beat up and dazed when eventually paraded for the cameras. I'm not saying that the Brits gave up any info, but perhaps their willingness to go along with the parlor game of Let's Pretend We're So Very Sorry On Camera, was the first step in the dance that is diplomacy. The whole incident reminded me of gang warfare anywhere else in the world. It's all about keeping face and respect, be it Drag Queens, Bloods vs. Crips, Socialites, Asian Street Gangs or Muslims.
An elaborate charade of public politeness and back room negotiations, and no one gets wacked.

Maybe that's what's been missing from our foreign policy of late. Fake Kissy Face for the cameras, real deals behind the scenes, with a final round of Kissy Face. It's how real business gets done. The kind of businesses where no one wants to get shot, but could.

I'm in a bit of a funk over current fashion lately. I'm having a really hard time finding any maternity clothes I like, but it's dawning on me that it is just a symptom of the larger issue that current fashions are really, really ugly right now. Even if I could wear regular clothes this year, it would be slim pickings at any price point.

I now present to you THE UGLIEST DRESS IN THE WORLD. A breakdown follows.



Where to begin? Maybe with that this dress comes from DKNY. Oh, Donna. I expect so much more from you. You really let me down. This would look like shit even if it was black or brown. It's the the cut.

A shapeless sack. A dress for a blind person who is wheelchair bound. Something for the Iranians to send hostages home in.

The Cut. What the hell is this schmata? WWTGS? (What would Tim Gunn Say?) This thing would get ripped apart on Project Runway. It kind of reminds me of Jeffery's dress for the whiny girl's mother.
Off set Peter Pan collar?
Gathered yoke like a Lanz flannel granny gown? Complete with the set in sleeve?
The sleeve. Ending right at the elbow, with a band cuff. Again, nightgown. Ugly nightgown.
The gathered yoke makes her boobs look like crap.
Hemline. Besides hanging crooked, it hits at an ugly length.
You might pass 7th grade Home Ec with this dress, as it looks like it was sewn together properly, but that is not saying too much.

The color. Now, I like this color green*. But the entire dress? Except for two tiny white buttons that appear to have come off a $1 card at JoAnn's, this dress looks like throw up. It doesn't even look good on this perhaps hispanic model, with beautiful toasty skin. She's grinning because she can't believe how awful this dress looks.

Perhaps a big wide brown leather belt would have saved it, but I don't think so. The problems all stem from that collar and yoke fiasco. Please incinerate all copies of this dress immediately, and we will all forget it ever happened.

It is the culmination of a couple of years of retro late 70's and early 80's coming together. For some reason, the powers at be feel like we should all dress like frumpy librarians in 1979. But this? Did Ken Burns recently come out with a Prairie Documentary that I missed? Is this Fashion trying to find clothes that anorexics and overweight girls can equally hide their bodies under? Mormon Chic? Even they wouldn't be seen in a collar this ugly.

If the magazine can't make this dress look good, with expensive lighting, a beautiful model, and Photoshop, imagine, JUST IMAGINE, what this dress would look like on you.

Feh.

*In case your computer isn't doing it justice, this dress is chartreuse green. Not spring leaf, not yellow, but chartreuse.

Steve and I attended Ben and Helen's Annual Seder last night. This was my 7th or 8th year, and I have watched it grow from 8 people sitting around their coffee table in Venice, to 18 people sitting around a huge table that straddles the living room and dining room of their house. We now live next door, and it was most enjoyable to just walk out their front door back into ours at the end of the evening.

It is both traditional, and not. Traditional in that Ben and Noah do guide us through a traditional Haggadah, with us hitting all the important points-seder plate, plagues, Four Questions, four glasses of wine. We recline to the left. There is gefilte fish. Non-traditional in that, we skip a heck of a lot of it, cruising through it in about an hour (not counting holding for laughs), Ben gets different comic artists to draw a Haggadah cover every year, and bitter herbs are more represented than say, the lamb shank.

They finished the backyard in time for the party, and it looks awesome! They still have some finishing touches they want to do, a couple of lounge chairs, a fire pit and adding a fence between the driveway area and the patio. But the fountain is bubbling, the grill is all fired up and it was a most pleasant place to have cocktails before the Seder got going. It will be a very nice place to hang out this summer.

As always, the food was amazing. Noah's matzo ball soup (his mother's recipe), Matt's brisket (Emril's recipe-BAM!) and Helen's macaroons (Martha) were highlights of a delicious meal. Mike D and I remembered other tasty and not so tasty seders in our pasts, and expressed our joy that this one is thrown by foodies. Everyone ate too much and laughed all night.

I found the Afikomen! And won a crisp dollar for my efforts.

Please take note of two new links in my blog roll today- I've added both my MIL Betty's blog and her twin sister Mimi's. That's right, these "ladies of a certain age" are very computer savvy. Not only do they use email all the time, THEY HAVE BLOGS, people!

Betty was visiting us for the weekend and she and Steve played a bunch of Wii and X Box 360 together. When I got home from the show on Sunday night, Steve had already gone to bed, but Betty was playing UNO on the 360 Online, and kicking ass! She ended up staying up until 2am and polished off all the ice cream as well. I thought a 14 year old boy had come to stay instead.