The fashion storm of Extreme Ugliness may have finally passed. After a couple of seasons of just hideous clothes and shoes, all I saw at the mall yesterday was loveliness at all price points.

Now, it might be a case of jealous desperation. I am incredibly pregnant and feel as big as a house, so there is no way I could buy anything. Am I just longingly looking at clothes like a street urchin at a four course meal through a steamed up window? My pal Lisa, who is a professional costume designer and would be clothes horse (would be, but that pesky not enough money issue) was with me and she was in awe as well.

We think that somewhere out there are some big warehouses with almost a year's worth of unsold ugly clothes waiting to be set on fire. The fashion industry had to do a big 180 if they wanted to squeeze any profit out of the fiscal year before it ends in June. Even the shoe departments had lovely things. Most stuff still had an early seventies/boho/bold graphic print thing going on, as if everyone was hanging out in Palm Springs with their swinging divorcee aunt for the weekend, but the colors and cuts were beautiful, things had actual waists, and nothing looked like 1980's inspired sacks, maternity clothes or frumpy librarian wear. We did not wander into the Juniors Departments, though. Only stuff for grown up ladies who can buy their own drinks without fake ID's.

I hope I will be able to take advantage of some end of summer sales in late June, but I'm not holding my breath. I don't expect to fit back into my regular clothes for quite a while, if (gulp) ever. Lisa did tell me her SIL experienced "Thyroid Storm" after the birth of her kids, and now weighs LESS and is TRIMMER than before she had children!?! Considering I have never heard that, and the size of the women on both sides of my family, it is highly unlikely I will draw that straw. I'll be lucky to see size 12 on the bottom ever again as I was barely holding on to 10 before. Allegedly, much of this gain on my bottom half that I lovingly refer to as the "ski pants of fat" is just liquid. Water and much increased blood volume they tell me. All the yoga and keeping active has held me in good stead this entire pregnancy, let's see if it pays off in the post-game.

Meanwhile, hello Spanx!!!!

P.S. The greatest thing we saw at the Glendale Galleria yesterday? Target opening July 29th in the old Dillard's spot. Alas, a two story Target, but as Lisa pointed out, it will now be the total Costumers One Stop Shopping mall now. Target, Mervyn's, Penny's, Macy's and Nordstrom's. All under one free parking garage's roof right off the 5 and the 134. You may be there all day, but you will get all of the shopping for the show done IN ONE LOCATION. The a ten minute drive over to Warner Brothers and Disney to pick up the rentals, and back down to Hollywood to drop it all off. And how much easier to make the returns at the end...

I love Target. I can't help myself. And my new favorite Target is the one in West Hollywood at La Brea and Santa Monica Blvd. It is not the easiest for me to get to, but if I happen to be in that part of town, which I am frequently, I never find it a hassle to shop there, even at times of the day that should totally suck. Though I guess I never go on a weekend afternoon, which is actually the worst time of day to do anything errand-y in Greater Los Angeles. And avoid the 101 through The Valley. You have been warned.

Why This Target Is Better

Underground parking. It is free for the first hour, and I'm usually efficient enough to get out of there in time. As someone who didn't have A/C in the car for a long time, parking in the cool cement shade of an underground parking lot is a big perk. And there are giant elevators and escalators to take you up to the store levels.

Target is just one of the anchors. Not a mall, but a much better designed shopping plaza. It also has Best Buy, a bunch of small stores I don't care about, eateries, a Bev More! and AAA. It is Lunchtime Errand A Go-Go!

Somehow, less screaming children. It might be the neighborhood, but compared to the Burbank, Eagle Rock and North Hollywood locales, the ratio of screaming children to other customers is much lower. They still represent, of course. TANTRUM in the HOWWWSSEEEE! The ratio of arguing old Eastern Europeans couples is much higher, though.

(I was once in a Target in suburban Austin TX with Paul Hungerford on a Saturday afternoon, and he cocked his head and said "Listen!" "What? I don't hear anything," I replied. "Exactly!!!!" he chortled. We marveled in that moment. A quiet, clean, uncrowded Target on a Saturday afternoon. We heart Austin.)

Drag Queens and Tranny Ho's. This is what puts it over into fabulous for me. Not only as customers, but as employees. It always does my heart good to receive excellent customer service from a young man with no eyebrows, smooth skin and certain flair. The Tranny Ho's are not quite as good with customers, but as giggly bunches of patrons, they add a bit of variety to the already diverse clientele.

The store is all on ONE LEVEL. I hate the two level Targets. It is kind of cool to use the cart escalator in the middle of those stores, but other than that, they always suck. They always seem to be darker, and whatever I came in for is inevitably on the other floor. Eagle Rock is probably my closest store by actual mileage, but I never, ever go to it because of the two levels.

I have two books to recommend, and I know I'm VERY late to the party on both of them. I saw Malcolm Gladwell on The Cobert Report two weeks ago pushing the paperback version of "Blink" and was so moved by his interview that I went to Amazon.com and immediately ordered it. Turns out, he's the guy who also wrote "The Tipping Point," which I had been meaning to read for ages, ordered them both, and spent the better part of the past week plowing through both of them. Sorry Freakonomics Guys! I've got a new social economics boyfriend and his name is Malcolm!

In the "good idea, bad execution" pile...The other morning I had to move my car out of the driveway for Steve to leave. I noticed a flat plastic bag laying in the driveway, looking like the ubiquitous bag of crappy flyers that seem to land on the driveway at least once a week. After running over it twice (out and back into the driveway) I go to pick it up and throw it away. Turns out, it had been a very nice sample of three boxes of the various Cheerios cereals! I would have actually cared and probably eaten them if I hadn't run over them with my car repeatedly. Considering that the Johnson house has many boxes of baby favorite Cheerios in its future, General Mills should be hand delivering samples to our doorstep to get our brand loyalty before I try even one box of Trader Joe's O's. Alas, instead, they dumped the samples right where they could get run over and immediately thrown away, never to be though of again. There weren't even two bags of samples. Were we supposed to share them with Ben and Helen next door? There are clearly two houses on the property. How much time, effort and money went into the Cheerio Street Team?

Sadly, I found out that the Artist went into cardiac arrest and passed away yesterday. There is talk of a west coast memorial of some sort, perhaps at the company with the talking frog and pig. Though I have lost colleagues to cancer and AIDS before, this is the first of my own peer grouping. We have all now been working professionally for 15 or so years in this industry, and I guess that is the amount of time it takes to start truly feeling the effects of long term exposure. I know he won't be the last, and it is quite sobering.

The hateful message being delivered by children aside, I can't believe that Disney Lawyers have not swooped down and eaten their asses yet over using Mickey's image.

Perhaps Disney doesn't want to get involved with messy international politics, which I can certainly understand, but this is a major infringement on their corporate branding, which they take VERY, VERY seriously. This is not a walk around costume at a private birthday party, this is a television show. Local network or not, you can bet that it would be off the air in one day if it happened in the US.

It must be the chip implanted in the back of my neck that makes me care...

Big news around here last night was the Griffith Park Fire. It was actually pretty close to our house, not close enough to be dangerous, but close enough that you could see it way in the distance from the end of the street, and the neighborhood smells a bit charred.

At last count it burned 600 acres, but no structures or homes were destroyed or people hurt. This particular area is quite rugged, and has not had a fire in over 70 years, so there was quite a bit of combustible underbrush. Steve is very bummed, as it was the part of the park he really liked to ride his bike through.

It started early afternoon, and they thought they had it under control around 5pm. The winds picked up at sunset and all of a sudden it went from brush fire to something much bigger. I could see some of it at 7:30pm as I drove around Silverlake (the actual lake) on my way to the store. By the time I was heading back a half hour later, it was much bigger and the helicopters were starting to scoop water out of the lake. As I headed down Sunset to our street, all you could see was an inferno in the distance, with silhouetted palm trees in front. We hopped in the car and headed to a safe vantage point above the lake to check it all out.

It's interesting to think that we have this giant swath of wilderness in the middle of our city. The Hollywood Hills stretch from the I-5 on the east pretty much all the way to the ocean. I guess by the time it hits the 405 and Malibu, it's called something else, but essentially it is a ridge of tree covered mountains and canyons, that is now surrounded with densely populated communities on all sides.

On our eastern end of it is Griffith Park, which besides miles and miles of rugged terrain and trails, houses the LA Zoo, the Observatory, the Greek Amphitheatre, the Autry Museum of Western History, a beloved merry-go-round and pony ride stable, and the golf course. It's actually amazing that none of this was destroyed last night, and a big hand goes out to our local firefighters. I think they are going to be very, very busy this summer.

Hung out with my friend Lisa today and the topic of Artist Friend with Cancer came up, as she knows him as well. She had worked with him last year when he came and did some work in LA. She said not only was he a chain smoker, but she never saw him wear his respirator, and he had to be yelled at to stop using Barge glue indoors near the pregnant lady.

This bummed me out even more.

I must have worked with him during some burst of health consciousness in his mid-twenties.

An interesting news story is brewing just in time for May Sweeps (or Boob Week! as we call it here in the Johnson house)about the Washington DC madam and her 46 pounds of phone records. Considering the kind of spin and talking points the subjects is receiving from the conservative news sources the past few days, I'm guessing there must be quite a few Republicans names on the list. I have never heard hookers being defended so gallantly by a bunch of people who are usually so quick to point fingers at behavior they deem immoral. I guess they've changed their stance on married guys buying BJ's. It was married guys getting them for free that was a problem. That young girl was vulnerable, whereas the sex workers are paid professionals. I actually see their point and agree.

I don't care who is paying for sex, though I prefer them not to be using my tax dollars no matter what side of the aisle they sit on.

I awoke this morning to some depressing personal news. An artist acquaintance of mine from back in my New York City days has been diagnosed with lung cancer. Early stages, and his doctors give him a very strong chance of survival. He's the same age as myself, give or take a year or two, and as much as I can recall, lived a healthy lifestyle. He was very into his diet and did martial arts. I don't remember him ever being a smoker, but what I do remember was the fiberglassing.

I was working with him on a puppet project and his day job while we were working on the show was as some artist's hired hand. And by some artist, I mean a guy who was showing in that year's Whitney Biennial. It was my first introduction to the grand tradition that Artists don't actually do most of the work themselves. And what he was making were these fiberglass encased balloon intestines. When I saw the final installation at the museum, it was incredibly cool looking and one of my favorites at the show that year.

For some reason, we had stopped by his work while he was making the stuff. He was completely suited up in a clean suit, gloves, hood and respirator. But how many other hundreds of jobs over the years did he work at where they didn't pay as much attention to safety? The old "it's just for a few minutes, this one little thing!" I know there is some shop in NYC that makes puppets that more than one fabricator has told me that the soft goods area is right next to the fiberglassing area. In an unventilated basementy space.

It is a very scary reminder to limit the amount of time we spend working with chemicals, and to ALWAYS use proper safety equipment. And I'm not talking the switch to Simple Green at home here. I'm talking straight acetone, glues and paints with toulene, two part epoxies and fiberglass. These are the tools of our trade.