So once again, I went to the mall with cash in hand to buy some clothes and came home empty handed. I did find one pair of jeans that fit, not awesomely, but passably enough for "clean out the garage/run errands/take Dex to the park" jeans. Not for "wear on stage/go out at night jeans" but I can wear pants for that. That they are from Coldwater Creek is depressing, but I soldier on.

Every store looks like it is from another dimension in time. And that time is 1972 Palm Springs. I love 1972 Palm Springs, but I can't dress like it's a cocktail party every day. I'm not sure when it all happened, but it was some time when I was pregnant. I know when I bought some clothes last fall things were normal. I honestly did not recognize Bloomingdale's. It looks like Warner Brother's Costume Rental House 1960-1970 aisle.

I did see two things on the rack at Macy's that I thought, "Wow! That would look great on me!" A plum v-neck lightweight sweater (Tahari) and a black coat(DKNY). The sweater was $249 and the coat was $525. Needless to say, I didn't even try them on. I cannot believe that I would have to go up to that kind of price point to find something to wear.

Lisa and I have been talking about a trip up to the outlet malls. I'm not sure it is even worth the gas, if it's just all of this stuff marked down, but at this point I'm grasping at straws.

I'm starting to think I'm just crazy, and have turned into a Boring Hausfrau. But then I see the Tahari sweater and know I'm right. Also, I checked out Talbot's and Coldwater Creek. There it was also ugly, but the kind of ugly I expected. Not ugly, just not clothes appropriate to my age. Lovely, if you are 60.

But, in the words of Rebecca Gray, where are the Former Vixens who are now Moms supposed to shop? I'm not looking at Forever 21 or Express or the Junior's department. I'm looking at Bloomingdale's and Macy's women's section, Ann Taylor Loft, and Banana Republic. Next stop, Loemann's in BH and Nordstom's.

Perhaps a letter to Tim Gunn is in order.

The fashion storm of Extreme Ugliness may have finally passed. After a couple of seasons of just hideous clothes and shoes, all I saw at the mall yesterday was loveliness at all price points.

Now, it might be a case of jealous desperation. I am incredibly pregnant and feel as big as a house, so there is no way I could buy anything. Am I just longingly looking at clothes like a street urchin at a four course meal through a steamed up window? My pal Lisa, who is a professional costume designer and would be clothes horse (would be, but that pesky not enough money issue) was with me and she was in awe as well.

We think that somewhere out there are some big warehouses with almost a year's worth of unsold ugly clothes waiting to be set on fire. The fashion industry had to do a big 180 if they wanted to squeeze any profit out of the fiscal year before it ends in June. Even the shoe departments had lovely things. Most stuff still had an early seventies/boho/bold graphic print thing going on, as if everyone was hanging out in Palm Springs with their swinging divorcee aunt for the weekend, but the colors and cuts were beautiful, things had actual waists, and nothing looked like 1980's inspired sacks, maternity clothes or frumpy librarian wear. We did not wander into the Juniors Departments, though. Only stuff for grown up ladies who can buy their own drinks without fake ID's.

I hope I will be able to take advantage of some end of summer sales in late June, but I'm not holding my breath. I don't expect to fit back into my regular clothes for quite a while, if (gulp) ever. Lisa did tell me her SIL experienced "Thyroid Storm" after the birth of her kids, and now weighs LESS and is TRIMMER than before she had children!?! Considering I have never heard that, and the size of the women on both sides of my family, it is highly unlikely I will draw that straw. I'll be lucky to see size 12 on the bottom ever again as I was barely holding on to 10 before. Allegedly, much of this gain on my bottom half that I lovingly refer to as the "ski pants of fat" is just liquid. Water and much increased blood volume they tell me. All the yoga and keeping active has held me in good stead this entire pregnancy, let's see if it pays off in the post-game.

Meanwhile, hello Spanx!!!!

P.S. The greatest thing we saw at the Glendale Galleria yesterday? Target opening July 29th in the old Dillard's spot. Alas, a two story Target, but as Lisa pointed out, it will now be the total Costumers One Stop Shopping mall now. Target, Mervyn's, Penny's, Macy's and Nordstrom's. All under one free parking garage's roof right off the 5 and the 134. You may be there all day, but you will get all of the shopping for the show done IN ONE LOCATION. The a ten minute drive over to Warner Brothers and Disney to pick up the rentals, and back down to Hollywood to drop it all off. And how much easier to make the returns at the end...